Chapter 2 - Stupid Cupid

He stopped dead, staring at the tiny pink bug like it had personally insulted him.

"You drive that?" His tone was pure disbelief. "How the hell do you even fit in it?”

 

"I fit just fine, and it's not mine. I wouldn't be caught dead in it, but it's the only set of wheels my stupid grandmother left me." She looked at the passenger seat and then at him. "Oh yeah...you'll fit...almost." 

She walked around and got in, adjusting everything for herself and not even bothering to offer him any help. "Get in. What are you waiting for? Invites?"

 

Lucian just stared at the car, then at her, then back at the offensively tiny vehicle.

"This is a joke," he muttered. "This is a divine test of my patience.”

With a long, long suffering sigh, he yanked open the passenger door and folded himself inside with all the grace of a man far too large for this absurd mortal contraption. His knees nearly hit the dashboard, his wings shimmered out of existence to keep from cramping, and his scowl? Unmatched.

He turned his head painfully slowly to glare at her.

"If you crash this thing, I swear to every god still listening, I’m taking you down with me.”

 

"If I crash this thing, I'm pretty sure you'll be too much of a pretzel to be of any use to the gods anymore." She snorted meanly and put the car in gear, and it went hurtling down the street, nearly scaring the life out of him and some passersby. 

There was a lot of cursing and some tiny crashes behind them, but Rose pulled into traffic and headed towards the seedy back alleys.

 

Lucian braced himself against the dashboard as the car lurched into motion, his silver eyes going wide for the first time since this nightmare began.

"What the actual fuck—" He cut himself off as she barely missed sideswiping a parked truck, his hand shooting out to grab the oh-shit handle like his immortality might not be enough to save him from her driving.

"Are you actively trying to kill me?" he barked, twisting to glare at her. "Because, sweetheart, if you wanted me dead, you could’ve just stabbed me. This? This is torture.”

Then, as she whipped down a grimy alley, his scowl deepened. "And where, exactly, are you taking me? Hell? Because it feels like hell.”

"Will it work? If I stab you, I mean." She gave him a nefarious grin which was completely out of place on a woman who looks as cute and sweet as her. 

"Will it break the spell?" She swerved around a mailbox and turned onto the dark roads like she knew them. 

 

Lucian gave her a flat, unamused look, still gripping the handle like his afterlife depended on it.

"No," he said dryly. "But it’ll piss me off, and then you’ll have two problems instead of one.”

Then he narrowed his eyes, watching as she navigated the backstreets with far too much familiarity.

"You know these roads a little too well, nightmare.” He leaned back, watching her with suspicion. "How often do you take shady detours into the seedy underbelly of the city?”

 

"I'm a gremlin who knows her way around the underbelly." She shot him a look at the incredulous silence. "Hey, I may LOOK like a pastry, but I'm all badass woman, okay? I have my armor in the back somewhere." 

She rolled her eyes and turned towards the pier, a row of seedy, shady shops lining the boardwalk, signs flickering in and out. Some tattoos, some palm readings, a vendor with strange animals for sale, a weapons shop, and one nameless shop with just a cauldron on the door. She parked in front.

 

Lucian eyed the street with a slow, assessing look, his silver eyes flicking from the flickering signs to the questionable assortment of shops.

Then, finally, he turned back to her.

"So, let me get this straight," he drawled, still wedged uncomfortably in the tiny death trap she called a car. "You waltzed into a literal witch’s den—without knowing what the hell you were messing with—because you were jealous?"

He let that hang for a moment before exhaling sharply, unbuckling with a vengeful snap. "I swear on every last Olympian, if this bitch makes things worse—" He shoved the door open and unfolded himself out of the car, cracking his neck. "I will be setting something on fire.”

 

"I wasn't Jealous!" She snapped and turned to him, all bent and wedged in her car, nearly filling it all. "That asshole cheated on me with my best friend and then THEY get their happy ending!? Really? I should be stabbing you for actually thinking about giving it to them!" 

 

Lucian slammed the door shut with enough force to make the little car shake.

"Oh, my apologies," he sneered, throwing up his hands. "You weren’t jealous—you were just a bitter, vengeful, petty little gremlin with a personal vendetta against my literal job.”

He stalked toward her, towering over her with radiating exasperation. "You do realize that my arrows don’t force people together, right?" His voice dropped into something almost mockingly patient. "If your ex and your so-called best friend are soulmates, it means they were always going to find each other—whether you like it or not.”

Then he smirked, sharp and cold. "So tell me, nightmare." He tilted his head. "What if you went through all of this, screwed up your own fate, and they still end up together anyway?”

 

She came out of the car and stared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me! Soulmates! Like actual two halves or a whole crap. You can't actually be advocating this narrative. Do you also believe in true love's kiss and love conquers all?" 

There was no way evil people like Jack and Jill deserved any of that stupid forever. They had betrayed her. Hurt her and left her behind like she didn't matter.

 

Lucian let out a harsh laugh, stepping closer, his silver eyes flashing.

"Don’t get me wrong, sweetheart." His smirk turned razor-sharp. "I don’t give a shit about love.”

He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping into a low, almost mockingly smooth tone. "But I do know one thing—people like you? Who swear they don’t believe in soulmates?" He tilted his head, watching her like she was the most predictable thing in the world. "You’re always the ones who want it the most.”

Then he straightened, rolling his shoulders like she wasn’t worth the energy. "Now, are we going in, or do you want to stand out here and scream about your tragic backstory some more?"

 

Her mouth dropped open. "You take that back." 

She stepped up to him with more animosity than he'd seen before. The little firecracker was not the least bit afraid of facing off against a man twice her size. "Love and soulmates are drivel you feed us mortals to keep us stupid and busy. Do you think I am dumb enough to let someone turn my head just because they're cute!?"

 

Lucian just grinned, slow and taunting, like he was thriving off her fury.

"Oh?" He looked her up and down, completely unimpressed by the way she squared up to him. "Struck a nerve, did I?"

He leaned in, just enough to be infuriatingly in her space, his silver eyes gleaming with pure mockery. "Face it, nightmare. You don’t hate love.” His smirk deepened, voice dropping to a low, knowing murmur. "You just hate that it didn’t pick you.”

Then he straightened, gesturing lazily toward the shop. "Now, do we fix this mess, or are you going to keep pretending you’re not just as desperate as the rest of them?”

 

She snarled and shoved him, hard enough to jostle him even if she couldn't throw him, but her green eyes were fiery. "How dare you! You, of all people, have no right to judge my life's choices! You, being the scion of all things love, YOU were trying to get away from your job. If anyone is delusional, it's you, you use car salesman of forever happiness bullshit!"

 

Lucian barely rocked back, more out of surprise than the actual force of her shove. Then, slowly, he looked down at where her hands had been before his gaze flicked back to hers, and grinned.

A sharp, wicked, taunting grin.

"That’s adorable." He tilted his head, mocking. "Are you trying to hurt my feelings, nightmare? Or are you just mad because I hit a little too close to home?"

Then, quick as a snap, his hand shot out and flicked her forehead. Not hard—just enough to be an infuriating, petty, divine retaliation.

"Let me know when you’re done throwing your tiny mortal tantrum so we can fix your screw-up.”

 

She nearly went supernova. 

He flicked her forehead.

He flicked her forehead!

She couldn't physically hurt him. He was so much bigger than her. That didn't mean she wasn't a vindictive little thing. She stomped hard on his booted toes.

 

"You little—" Lucian snarled as pain shot up his foot, jerking it back with a sharp hiss. His wings flickered into view just so he could flare them in sheer outraged offense.

And then—the tether yanked.

"Oh, for fuck’s sake—" He stumbled forward, nearly crashing straight into her before catching himself at the last second, glaring murder as she dragged him inside like some petulant demon-child on a leash.

"I swear," he growled, voice dripping with vengeance, "if this witch can’t fix this? You’re gonna wish my arrows actually did force people to fall in love—because the only thing keeping me from strangling you is divine law.”

 

"Oh yeah, I'm shaking in my booties, diaper baby." She snorted and walked to the counter and put her hand down on the bell as the shop filled with the shrill sound until there was a crash and a woman came stumbling in through the beaded curtain. 

"What the fu...uh...." She froze as she saw Rose and the towering man behind her, who Seraphina knew was no man. "God, no." 

Rose gave her sweet, beguiling smile. "Fuck yeah. I want my money back."

 

Lucian crossed his arms, leveling the witch with a deadpan, exhausted stare as he loomed behind Rose. "Yes, God," he muttered. "A mortal with sense.”

Then he gestured sharply to the cursed mark on his wrist, his voice sharp with celestial fury. "Fix. It."

He leaned in, his silver eyes blazing, wings flickering like an unspoken threat. "Unless you enjoy fucking with Olympians, in which case, I’d be happy to remind you why that’s a very, very bad idea.”

 

The witch whimpered and scrambled behind the counter and yanked the bell out form Rose's hand. "Stop." She hissed, her brown eyes wide and horrified. "You brought him HERE!" 

"Your spell didn't work. He broke the damned arrow." She felt Lucian bristle behind her and rolled her eyes. "We broke the arrow." 

Seraphina stared at the two of them, her mouth dropping open. "You...split the arrow. Eros' divine arrow that was supposed to...oh that's...not good."

 

Lucian growled, dragging a hand down his face. "No shit, witch.”

He leaned over the counter, crowding the space with celestial irritation, his silver eyes flashing. "Tell me something useful before I start throwing people through walls.”

Then, in a tone dripping with acidic disbelief, he added, "And what do you mean supposed to? What, exactly, did your half-assed spell do?"

 

"My spell?" Seraphina blinked at the growling god before she turned here eyes to Rose. "I gave you a location spell. You were not supposed to take his arrow." 

"How else was I supposed to stop him?" 

"Oh, I don't know," the witch scowled. "Talk to him, beg him? Offer your damn soul! Are you deranged, munchkin?" 

"Shut up, don't call me that, and I did what I had to do. Now undo this curse." 

"I am a witch! I don't DO divine magic." She looked up at Lucian with growing unease. "One arrow, one destiny. You broke it, so their destiny is tied to you both now. I...don't know how you can undo this. Maybe finish the arrow's job?"

 

Lucian went utterly still.

Then he laughed. A sharp, humorless sound, all sharp edges and disbelief.

"Oh,” he drawled, voice thick with venom, "so what you’re telling me—" he gestured between himself and Rose with a look of pure suffering "—is that this absolute nightmare is now permanently tied to my fate, and the only way to fix it is to shove two oblivious morons together?"

He turned to Rose, slow and deliberate, his silver eyes gleaming with pure smug satisfaction. "Well, nightmare?" His smirk turned wicked. "Guess that means we’re in the matchmaking business.”

 

Rose had gone abnormally pale, her pretty potty mouth hanging open. 

"No," she whispered in disbelief. WORK toward actually getting Jack and Jill together!? "NO!" 

Seraphina took a deep breath. "You touched his arrow." 

"You make it sound like I touched MORE than his arrow!" Rose screeched. "I will NOT play match maker to those assholes!"

 

Lucian outright grinned, because for the first time all night, she was suffering more than him.

"Oh, but you will,” he taunted, enjoying every second of her horror. "Because until those two love-struck idiots get their happily ever after?" He tapped his wrist where the cursed mark burned. "You and I are stuck together.”

Then he leaned in, voice dropping to a low, mocking murmur. "And trust me, sweetheart. You do not want to spend eternity glued to me.”

 

"Yes, I do." Rose crossed her arms stubbornly and glared up at him. "Get used to the mundane wannabe rockstar. Because I will die before I get those two together." 

Seraphina looked at Lucian with almost comical clarity. "You could kill her."

 

Lucian actually paused, looking thoughtfully down at Rose for a long, silent beat, like he was genuinely considering it. His silver eyes narrowed slowly, dangerously, his wings flickering behind him.

Then he sighed, shaking his head dramatically.

"Nah." He drawled, voice dripping with exaggerated regret as he gave Seraphina a flat, annoyed look. "As satisfying as that would be, divine paperwork’s a bitch.”

His lips curled into a wicked smirk as he leaned closer to Rose, voice dropping into something soft and deadly. "But keep pushing me, nightmare. I’m just petty enough to rethink my stance."

 

Seraphina sighed and looked at Rose like she was a petulant child. "All this for petty revenge, and now you're stuck yourself. I told you vengeance was a bitch." 

Rose scowled and stuck out her hand. "I want my money back." 

Seraphina snorted. "Hey, I cast the location spell. And you found him. Your break um, you buy um." She held up her hands in surrender. "I am out of this now."

 

Lucian grinned, slow and smug, watching Rose suffer with the glee of a man who needed a win.

"You heard the lady," he said, leaning lazily against the counter. "You break it, you buy it." He gave Rose an exaggeratedly sympathetic look, silver eyes gleaming. "And sweetheart, you bought yourself a one-way ticket to my personal hell.”

Then he straightened, stretching like he wasn’t currently trapped in a cosmic disaster. "Now,” he sighed, turning toward the exit, "let’s go ruin your life properly.”

"No! I am not done wi_You! Stop walking!" She was being pulled, her hands reaching out to Seraphina like she wanted to get her claws into the witch. 

"I want my money! YOU!" She glared at Lucian as he kept walking and dragged her out of the shop. "Stop!" 

Seraphina watched them go and took a deep breath. She was getting too old for this. 

 

Lucian sighed, barely glancing back as Rose stumbled after him, forced forward by the tether.

"Gods, you’re needy." He didn’t stop, dragging her along with the patience of a man who had none. "Come on, nightmare. Time to face your self-inflicted karma.”

Then, just as he reached the curb, a thought struck him. He frowned slightly, turning his head to glance at her.

"You know," he mused, "I just realized—I don’t even know your name.”

His smirk returned, slow and mocking. "Or should I just keep calling you ‘gremlin’ for the rest of eternity?"

 

"Kill me now." She snarled and glared up at him, looking adorably unhinged as she strained to keep her distance, but the harder she pulled, the closer her body was dragged to him.

 

Lucian smirked, watching her struggle like a rabid kitten caught in a trap.

"Tempting," he mused, silver eyes gleaming. "But then I’d have no one to entertain me.”

He let the tether do its work, standing his ground as she inched closer with every defiant pull. "So?" He raised an eyebrow, completely unbothered. "You got a name, or am I gonna have to keep getting creative?"

 

"Fuck you!" She snapped and whimpered as the tether yanked her right into him. 

For just a moment, she stood there, shaking, furious, and half out of her mind with what her life had come to. Work to get Jack and Jill together. 

She wanted to stab herself. 

She wanted to cry, but it would only make him laugh. 

It was not fair!

 

Lucian barely moved when she slammed into him, his smirk unwavering as he looked down at her.

"Fuck me?" he echoed, mock thoughtful. "Bit forward, nightmare. At least buy me dinner first.”

But then he really looked at her. Saw the tremble in her limbs, the way her fury had gone past fire and into something raw.

His smirk flickered, just a fraction.

With a sigh, he reached up—slowly—and flicked her forehead again. Gentle this time. Less of a taunt, more of a nudge back to reality.

"Hey." His voice dropped into something almost casual. "You gonna give me a name, or do I have to start calling you ‘tragedy’ instead?"

 

She let her head drop against him for a second, her forehead resting against his collarbone as she willed the madness to go away. The need to crumple into a ball. 

She'd been running on fury and retribution for days. She'd been plotting and planning and laughing nefariously until the whole thing had consumed her. They had to pay. They had to! 

She'd trusted them, and they had stabbed her in the back. The two people she had loved the most. 

"You did this," she whispered venomously. 

He was an easy target. 

"You with your stupid arrows and talk of love and forever and happily ever afters. It's a load of crap and you are the reason we're stuck here." Her green eyes lifted to him, still angry, but also bruised. "God of Love. You suck! And I'm Rose."